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//-->Edited byCarlton Mellick IIIEraserhead PressPortland, ORERASERHEAD PRESS205 NE BRYANTPORTLAND, OR 97211WWW.ERASERHEADPRESS.COMISBN: 1-936383-38-1Copyright © 2010 by Carlton Mellick III, Jordan Krall, Jeff Burk, AndrewGoldfarb, Kevin L. Donihe, Edmund Colell, Cameron Pierce, KirstenAlene, and Kevin Shamel.Interior art copyright © 2010 by Andrew GoldfarbCover art copyright © 2010 by Ed Mironiukhttp://www.edmironiuk.comAll rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted inany form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without thewritten consent of the publisher, except where permitted by law.Printed in the USA.TABLE OF CONTENTSEDITOR’S NOTE by Carlton Mellick III . . . 5SANTA CLAUS AND THE ELVES OF FUCKJORDAN KRALL7FROSTY AND THE FULL MONTYJEFF BURK53UNWANTED GIFTSANDREW GOLDFARB62TWO-WAY SANTAKEVIN L. DONIHE63THE CHRISTMAS TURN-ONEDMUND COLELL77CAMERON PIERCE & KIRSTEN ALENETHE ELF SLUT SISTERS95CHRISTMAS CRABSKEVIN SHAMEL117EDITOR’S NOTEFor some, Christmas is a time of family bonding,Christianity, and awesome fucking toys. But for me, it isa little more special than that. I view Christmas as thetime of peppermint dominatrixes, elf orgies, snowjobs,and getting drunk with fat guys. So I have decided toshare with you my true meaning of Christmas with thisbook,Christmas on Crack,a collection of magical holidaytales written by members of my family: the bizarro fictioncommunity. Besides releasing this as a companion piece tomy own Christmas book, Sausagey Santa, I’ve also releasedit as a way to introduce my readers to other writers in thebizarro fiction scene. So read these tales and if you likethem check out some of the authors’ books. Undergroundwriters could use your support.So, I hope you enjoy these Christmas tales of bizarrodebauchery. Consider it my Christmas present to you. Ifyou’re good I might give you another Christmas presentnext year. But if you’re bad, I guess you’re kind of fucked,because Creepy Cowboy Santa (pictured left) likes to hangnaughty boys and girls . . . Not to kill you or anything,he just hangs you for a few minutes because he’s got astrangling fetish. He might even pay you if you let himdo it, and that’s pretty cool. A little extra money aroundChristmas is always good. It’s a win-win situation.Merry Christmas and shit,- Carlton Mellick III 12/01/10
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